What I Discovered About Self Mastery From Hiding In A Dark Closet When I Was 12

I spent time every day after school in a dark closet when I was 12.

Not because I was being punished…

I was meditating.

The reason I was in the closet was so my brothers wouldn’t find and make fun of me.

If you have siblings… you know.

Self mastery was always one of life’s biggest mysteries to me as a kid.

I remember thinking “damn it sounds cool… but what does it actually mean?”

When I was 7 or 8 I found a book on Psychokinesis my mom had lying around the house.

I picked it up and dug my nose in it for days straight.

The thought of having so much control over my mind I could alter physical reality had my imagination running wild.

I even practiced bending spoons with my mind (I was unsuccessful in case you were wondering).

A couple years later I found another book she had on spirituality and meditation.

Once again, my interests were so piqued I couldn’t stop reading and learning about it.

Meditation became almost a daily practice for me until I fell in love with basketball (but that’s a whole different story for later).

Those were my first encounters with ‘self mastery’.

And even though they aren’t exactly aligned with how I define it now… you gotta start somewhere right?

So what is it?

People have been using self mastery for centuries to be more powerful, successful, and fulfilled.

The term self mastery comes from ancient philosophical and spiritual traditions from the East and West.

The stoics used it to become resilient, peaceful, and focused on what they can control.

Hindu traditions used it for emotional regulation and inner strength. People who practice Buddhism use it to control impulses and attachments to reach a state of deeper spiritual understanding (a path toward enlightenment)

Even Miyamoto Musashi (a legendary Japanese samurai who’s ‘Book of 5 Rings’ is a must read if you like this stuff… he never lost a single one of his 60 duels) talked about self-mastery as a requirement for peak performance.

I don’t see these as history lessons, I see these as a manual or blueprint to reach your potential.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the years working on myself.

It has led me to come to my own definition…

Self mastery is ultimate control over your identity, beliefs, and behavior.

Your identity is the spiritual piece.

It’s how you understand yourself. Who you see yourself as. Your purpose and mission.

Your beliefs are the stories you tell yourself daily in your mind.

These are influenced by your experiences but mostly your identity.

Finally, your behavior comes down to how your emotions and feelings dictate the actions you take.

And those emotions and feelings come directly from the stories you tell yourself.

The flow looks like this:

Identity → Beliefs → Behavior

The goal is to program each one intentionally (starting with identity) so you’re not at the mercy of your environment or external world.

And not only that…

But so you can express yourself fully and find presence & peace within it.

The external world

When you consciously design each one (identity, beliefs, behavior), you get to dictate the inputs.

This gets rid of any illusion of control the outside world has on you.

You don’t have to be robotic or suppress your feelings and emotions.

You experience them, acknowledge them, but aren’t a slave to them.

You can even use them to benefit you.

Think of a guy whose girlfriend cheats on him and he starts going to the gym and getting in the best shape of his life. He used those emotions of hurt, anger, and betrayal to do something beneficial.

Tragedy will happen.

You can’t control the external world.

But you can control how you respond to it.

If you let your external circumstances dictate how you respond, life will ragdoll you.

Self mastery doesn’t have to be a grind either.

It’s actually a beautiful pursuit that doesn’t involve being perfect.

You’re going to have moments of weakness. You’re going to slip.

But how fast can you get back on the path?

That’s what matters most.

I’ve heard people say things like “I have ADHD (or another limitation) so my behavior isn’t about will”.

Which is why I say it’s about figuring out YOU.

Your hardware, your patterns.

Then finding the right way to work with it.

It’s called ‘self’ mastery for a reason.

The paradox of the control you get over yourself…

Is how much spontaneity it actually adds to your life.

For some people (maybe even you) mastery might = boring.

Having a schedule means no spark.

Discipline means being uncomfortable.

But I see it a different way.

You actually get to play harder without the stress or lingering thoughts of things you didn’t get done.

There’s a different kind of joy and spark when you know you’re becoming your best self.

Some powerful questions

Identity

When it comes to identity, ask yourself:

How do I define myself?

What labels do I currently put on myself?

Am I currently the person I want to be?

If you don’t like any of the answers… replace them with a new version of you.

Your identity is not fixed.

But you have to believe in the new identity, which leads us to the next one…

Beliefs

When it comes to beliefs, ask yourself:

• What stories am I telling myself that aren’t true?

• What experiences or memories do I have that could be false?

• What do I believe that doesn’t serve me and who I want to be?

Once again… the answers you don’t like… get rid of them.

Except make sure to replace them with new beliefs and stories that serve you and this new identity.

Behaviors

When it comes to behaviors, ask yourself:

• What negative actions do I take based off emotions or feelings?

• What habits do I have that no longer align with where I’m going/who I am?

• What am I currently doing that I’m not even aware about yet?

Look at the answers, be honest and eliminate anything you know is keeping you stuck.

Remember the formula:

Identity → Beliefs → Behavior

This is going to take time. Self mastery is a lifelong game.

Don’t beat yourself up over a misstep… get back on the path as fast as possible.

Also hold yourself accountable to the standard of your new identity.

If you do…

You’ll walk the path some of the most successful and fulfilled people in history have walked.

And your life will never be the same.