Is Your Secret Fear of Being 'Too Successful' Keeping You Stuck Playing Small?
When I was a kid, I had a lot of hobbies.
Some of them have stuck with me until today… some not.
There was a common thread between all of them.
Once I got to a certain level of skill (better than my peer group) I got scared and stopped.
Take breakdancing for example.
At age 11 I got upgraded into the advanced class and was dancing with people twice my age.
It felt cool… until the pressure got to me.
At every show or event, I felt pressured by my teacher and friends to be the star.
They kept wanting me to go in the dance circle. They kept asking me to do this move and that move. Deep down I loved dancing… I still do. But I hated all the attention.
After a couple years of this nonstop, I quit and moved onto basketball.
I convinced myself, my family, and my friends it was because of boredom.
But the reality is it wasn’t.
It was fear.
Fear of being great. Fear of being the star.
Fear of the responsibility that came with it and if I was ready.
Fear of being able to hold myself to the new standard that others would expect of me.
And also the fear of not being accepted by others because I’d make them feel small or they’d secretly envy or dislike me because of it.
I didn’t realize this until I was much older.
The Jonah Complex
If you’ve felt this way before… or watched someone you know go through this (I’ve seen it in A LOT of my clients)…
Understand that it’s completely normal and common.
It’s called the Jonah Complex.
The Jonah complex is essentially the fear of your own potential greatness or the evasion of your destiny and talents.
I was literally just talking about this with a client last Friday who’s felt this way her whole life. And now that she’s running a business and doing something she’s called to do, she feels it more than ever.
It was coined by Abraham Maslow and is based on the biblical story of the prophet Jonah, who attempted to run away from a difficult divine mission out of fear.
Here’s what took me a while to figure out…
There’s a fine line between humility and fear.
Downplaying your potential might feel like you’re just being modest, but when you explore it…
You’ll find chances are you’re doing it to feel safe and secure.
Right now it might sound arrogant or even self-centered to acknowledge and call yourself ‘great’. Almost like claiming your own greatness = grandiosity.
But I like to think of it like this:
Would you rather live your life playing small and limiting your potential and feeling like an imposter all the time.
Or…
Live feeling like you were destined for greatness, can reach any level of achievement, and be whoever you set yourself out to be.
The first one leads to a life full of regret, wasted potential, and the weight of knowing you didn’t go for what you wanted.
The second one though…
Even if you don’t reach everything you set out to, you’ll know you gave it your all and can rest easy knowing you left nothing in the tank.
You’ll also go a lot further in everything you do than if you stayed playing small.
I don’t know about you, but I’d take the 2nd one any day.
Responsibility
This is where a lot of the heaviness comes from when it comes to greatness.
You think “Damn, it’s a lot simpler of a life to not let my greatness out”
Then you don’t have to hold the standard.
You don’t have to keep the high expectations that come a long with it.
You don’t have to be uncomfortable.
But as I already touched on earlier…
This way of thinking and behaving is the fastest and most sure-fire way to live a life you regret.
And if you’re still reading this, you know you’re meant for more.
Here’s another way you can steer yourself away from responsibility…
It’s easy to tell yourself you’re just being realistic about your limitations.
To convince yourself it’s not fear or self-doubt… you’re just being brutally honest.
In some cases, it’s true.
Of course we all have limitations, that’s obvious.
I wanted to be in the NBA… but when I never grew past 6 feet tall… I kinda knew it was off the table for me.
But what I’m talking about here is self imposed limitations.
The ones you put on yourself based on your beliefs and the stories you tell yourself.
The ones that aren’t true.
These are just excuses to keep yourself safe and playing small.
Overcoming it
We’ve unpacked a lot about the Jonah Complex, now the real question is how do you overcome it?
The simple answer → courage.
You have to ditch the fear of standing out.
Decide today what you won’t allow for yourself anymore.
Things like playing small, not committing all in, etc.
Set a standard for what you will and will not tolerate anymore.
Decide who you’re going to be.
And make the choice today that you’re going to step into your own greatness fully.
→ Regardless of what others may think
→ Regardless of how much responsibility it will be
→ Regardless of how scary it might be to actualize your full potential
You owe it to yourself…
And to the world.
-To Mastery 🥂
